Picture for today: Portrait of Diba Adibah
It is true that we will find happiness (or even love) when we least expect it - you will never be happier than you thought you would when it happens you know. 'It' as in something you wish to happen tapi taklah mengharap giler. I think you know what I mean...
Dulu-dulu I wrote an entry about someone whom I wish I could have chance to say hi to (considering I have problem to start the conversation lagi-lagi dengan dia lah kan). You can read the entry here. Few days later we did talked and it is more than a simple hi okayh... Terasa diri berada di awang-awangan sebentar. I am so happy and I screamed out loud in my room and my roommate, Mell told me she never seen me segila itu. Sungguh saya gummmbeerra! But it stops there. I am no longer excited about him. Full stop.
Talking about this, I mean the adrenaline rush thingy, the excitement, dan kebedebaran hati (ececece) whenever someone caught your attention - I realized it wont last long on me and I wonder why. Sometimes it scares me because it feels something is not right. Funny it may sound but it is true... Hm. And there was a time I told my mom about it tapi she didnt response to what I'm saying. It's a bit frustrating tau because yelah tak dilayan and when I ask her why my mom cakap dia suka if I feel that way. My mom dont want me to kahwin awal macam dia tapi, I am 23 ohkayh and at the age of 23 well at least I should have someone special kowt... Tak ke?
It is not that no one didnt try to approach. A lot (chewah macam super banyak pulak).. Well adalah but the feeling is not there. It makes me worry tapi the so called keinginan untuk have one tu takde lah macam nak sangat-sangat. I am not that needy to have one because I am confident with myself and sangat selesa with myself. Lagipun I am afraid if I were to get involve, it wont last long. Terasa rugi disitu. Sometimes terasa I am too choosy pulak, and sometimes I feel no one deserve me as in no one yang layak but the thing is adakah saya sangat worth untuk dimiliki and ditunggu?
Jujurnya saya harap there will be one day nanti someone will take my hand and bring me out from here. I really hope he wouldnt let it go because I dont want to feel lost anymore and I am hoping I will be confident enough to let someone to hold me.
I know I am so jiwang tonight. Thanks sebab sudi layan yea... :)